life is a matter of layers.
it is a journey deeper and deeper towards real
arrival at which is nothing short of difficult
it is a journey deeper and deeper towards real
arrival at which is nothing short of difficult
dear reader... yes, vacations have ended and routines recommenced, yet summer still bathes us in bright sunshine and crystal clear skies . . . & so i offer this posting, written deep in the caress of an august afternoon, as an ode to summer, a little something to hold onto as we move into the rush of fall
*
i found myself in a bikram class last sunday morning...
it was one of those sunday mornings in the deepest part of summer
as august quietly folds us into its hazy lull and the world seems to release its shoulders,
pull in a long deepened breath & sit . . .
so here i was, otis on the next mat over, with a sense that
all the world was away, all life's pressures lifted
... leaving us with a moment to go inside our own world and be
as we began the 26-posture routine, a crystal clear thought came into my head:
life is a matter of layers;
it is a journey deeper & deeper into real;
arrival is nothing short of difficult
and so we moved into what i have decided is one of the most difficult
yet least acknowledged asanas of the series,
dandayamana-bibhaktapada-hanushirasana
/standing-separate-leg-head-to-knee pose
- with arms extended overhead, hands in prayer position and feet planted,
we pivoted a quarter turn to the right. the teacher counted the rotation -
'one, two, three, four five times' -
as we worked to square our hips evenly forwards
a mirror reflected our progress
at this point in the asana, on this sunday morning deep into summer,
i noticed everyone rhythmically twisting
'one, two, three, four, five'
we were working hard to align our hips;
'one, two, three, four, five'
we dutifully pulsed
yet despite our efforts, hips remained akimbo,
left higher than right, right in front of left
we all earnestly pulled the top halves of our bodies,
shoulders and arms,
yet our hips came no closer to straight
to square the hips in an even plane
demands a release of external layers of expectation
from there, we must travel to muscles deep and low
within the torso, the muscles of the gut
- the mula bandha, root, soul -
a deeply internal layer
that it is all too easy to miss
my mind jumped to a scene in the movie
the motorcycle diaries,
the story of two young men,
ernesto & alberto
& their life-changing journey through latin america.
late one night, while visiting a leper colony on an island in columbia,
ernesto watches as alberto joins in a drumming circle
i watched the scene, marveling as
each man created a rhythm from an energy
residing deep down in his own soul
i had noticed in earlier scenes that dance
was so much a part of life there -
a natural, simple expression of joy
as alberto & ernesto picked partners & joined in the celebration,
i considered how little we dance ... actually, really, never
& when we, or at least i, do,
it is stiff, self-conscious
wholly disconnected from that 'soul seat' of my body
... & i have never played the drums
not long after, i picked up the september issue of yoga journal
and began to read about trance dance,
a form of yoga practiced in a dimly lit room, sometimes using blindfolds
the idea: to access an inner rhythm with which we have lost touch
explains one teacher regarding the freedom this brand of yoga allows,
"if you close your eyes, nobody can see you.
it's magic"
*
yes, it is august and i have been been going daily to an outdoor pool
swimming the 440-yard length, soaking up the clear warm sun
while gliding through the cool pale water...
two lengths is a lap of which i do 20;
it equals a mile
finished, i read in the sun until i've dripped dry,
then fly home on my bike
it seems every muscle
is awake and breathing . . .
i wonder, though,
are the swimming and the yoga
exercises in fortitude,
exertions of strength, displays of power?
i think of ernesto, alberto, the dancing & drumming
i consider stripping away a layer of control, looking a little deeper...
can i tap into a place still further in
a place that requires vulnerability rather than fortitude,
requires exposure of the soul rather than confirmation of strength
can i access an inner rhythm, move according to cues more emotional, less rational...
render myself vulnerable rather than powerful,
continue down the corridor deeper into the realm of real
... i don't know ...
*
it is summer and some of the layers of life have been pulled back
so that body and soul can breathe, take in the light,
get some air, come out and celebrate
to swim is to strip off the layers of clothing and inhibition,
it is a chance to see yourself 'naked', genuine,
no veils or masks,
no smoke and mirrors . . .
then loose this awareness of the outer self
in order to head inwards... capped & goggled,
the world becomes a collection of impressions, blurred and muffled
... the whoosh of water layers over the senses
one, two, three, breathe
one, two, three, breathe
a gentle but firm rhythm lulls me deeper and deeper
into a layer of thought not accessible during the day-to-day,
a place where solutions sit calmly waiting to be noticed,
possibility resides ready to be embraced,
a serenity exists eager to be released
back in the yoga studio
i square my hips, keep them parallel to the floor,
to do so requires complete focus...
i must resist the assistance of my outer hip,
quad muscle, even my knee
i must let those supports fall away
then find & engage
muscles much deeper in & not as strong or ready & willing to work
... core muscles so deep inside i don't know their names
to turn these muscles on
i press down on my right big & 2nd toes, push through my arms & index fingers,
allow my mula bandha & uddiyana bandha
(those muscles of the solar plexus)
to do the lifting ...
i shake, wobble, refuse to give in to my outer left hip or knee,
i struggle to balance . . . i'm the last in the class to rise,
i tremble as i return to center
*
we all do our own dance, some more scripted, others go freestyle.
regardless of form, the dance is about taking a moment to tap into a rhythm,
a repetition, a meditation in order to take ourselves
to our more interior layers
this is the journey & it moves us towards real
it begins with stripping
away any vagaries and half-truths
in order to reach the more specific,
because in the land of real,
honesty is the only currency
when we truly square off our hips and rise up using only core muscles,
when we do our 20 laps using those same muscles to hold us horizontal in the water
then stretch through each stroke according to a rhythm internal,
when we dare to dance from the inside out
or drum a beat according to a soul rhythm,
we are tapping into real
life is there in layers,
forever daring us to go deeper
it is a journey and it is difficult
it demands letting go of our eyes & ears
in order that we may access our soul
*
it was one of those sunday mornings in the deepest part of summer
as august quietly folds us into its hazy lull and the world seems to release its shoulders,
pull in a long deepened breath & sit . . .
so here i was, otis on the next mat over, with a sense that
all the world was away, all life's pressures lifted
... leaving us with a moment to go inside our own world and be
as we began the 26-posture routine, a crystal clear thought came into my head:
life is a matter of layers;
it is a journey deeper & deeper into real;
arrival is nothing short of difficult
and so we moved into what i have decided is one of the most difficult
yet least acknowledged asanas of the series,
dandayamana-bibhaktapada-hanushirasana
/standing-separate-leg-head-to-knee pose
- with arms extended overhead, hands in prayer position and feet planted,
we pivoted a quarter turn to the right. the teacher counted the rotation -
'one, two, three, four five times' -
as we worked to square our hips evenly forwards
a mirror reflected our progress
at this point in the asana, on this sunday morning deep into summer,
i noticed everyone rhythmically twisting
'one, two, three, four, five'
we were working hard to align our hips;
'one, two, three, four, five'
we dutifully pulsed
yet despite our efforts, hips remained akimbo,
left higher than right, right in front of left
we all earnestly pulled the top halves of our bodies,
shoulders and arms,
yet our hips came no closer to straight
to square the hips in an even plane
demands a release of external layers of expectation
from there, we must travel to muscles deep and low
within the torso, the muscles of the gut
- the mula bandha, root, soul -
a deeply internal layer
that it is all too easy to miss
my mind jumped to a scene in the movie
the motorcycle diaries,
the story of two young men,
ernesto & alberto
& their life-changing journey through latin america.
late one night, while visiting a leper colony on an island in columbia,
ernesto watches as alberto joins in a drumming circle
i watched the scene, marveling as
each man created a rhythm from an energy
residing deep down in his own soul
i had noticed in earlier scenes that dance
was so much a part of life there -
a natural, simple expression of joy
as alberto & ernesto picked partners & joined in the celebration,
i considered how little we dance ... actually, really, never
& when we, or at least i, do,
it is stiff, self-conscious
wholly disconnected from that 'soul seat' of my body
... & i have never played the drums
not long after, i picked up the september issue of yoga journal
and began to read about trance dance,
a form of yoga practiced in a dimly lit room, sometimes using blindfolds
the idea: to access an inner rhythm with which we have lost touch
explains one teacher regarding the freedom this brand of yoga allows,
"if you close your eyes, nobody can see you.
it's magic"
*
yes, it is august and i have been been going daily to an outdoor pool
swimming the 440-yard length, soaking up the clear warm sun
while gliding through the cool pale water...
two lengths is a lap of which i do 20;
it equals a mile
finished, i read in the sun until i've dripped dry,
then fly home on my bike
it seems every muscle
is awake and breathing . . .
i wonder, though,
are the swimming and the yoga
exercises in fortitude,
exertions of strength, displays of power?
i think of ernesto, alberto, the dancing & drumming
i consider stripping away a layer of control, looking a little deeper...
can i tap into a place still further in
a place that requires vulnerability rather than fortitude,
requires exposure of the soul rather than confirmation of strength
can i access an inner rhythm, move according to cues more emotional, less rational...
render myself vulnerable rather than powerful,
continue down the corridor deeper into the realm of real
... i don't know ...
*
it is summer and some of the layers of life have been pulled back
so that body and soul can breathe, take in the light,
get some air, come out and celebrate
to swim is to strip off the layers of clothing and inhibition,
it is a chance to see yourself 'naked', genuine,
no veils or masks,
no smoke and mirrors . . .
then loose this awareness of the outer self
in order to head inwards... capped & goggled,
the world becomes a collection of impressions, blurred and muffled
... the whoosh of water layers over the senses
one, two, three, breathe
one, two, three, breathe
a gentle but firm rhythm lulls me deeper and deeper
into a layer of thought not accessible during the day-to-day,
a place where solutions sit calmly waiting to be noticed,
possibility resides ready to be embraced,
a serenity exists eager to be released
back in the yoga studio
i square my hips, keep them parallel to the floor,
to do so requires complete focus...
i must resist the assistance of my outer hip,
quad muscle, even my knee
i must let those supports fall away
then find & engage
muscles much deeper in & not as strong or ready & willing to work
... core muscles so deep inside i don't know their names
to turn these muscles on
i press down on my right big & 2nd toes, push through my arms & index fingers,
allow my mula bandha & uddiyana bandha
(those muscles of the solar plexus)
to do the lifting ...
i shake, wobble, refuse to give in to my outer left hip or knee,
i struggle to balance . . . i'm the last in the class to rise,
i tremble as i return to center
*
we all do our own dance, some more scripted, others go freestyle.
regardless of form, the dance is about taking a moment to tap into a rhythm,
a repetition, a meditation in order to take ourselves
to our more interior layers
this is the journey & it moves us towards real
it begins with stripping
away any vagaries and half-truths
in order to reach the more specific,
because in the land of real,
honesty is the only currency
when we truly square off our hips and rise up using only core muscles,
when we do our 20 laps using those same muscles to hold us horizontal in the water
then stretch through each stroke according to a rhythm internal,
when we dare to dance from the inside out
or drum a beat according to a soul rhythm,
we are tapping into real
life is there in layers,
forever daring us to go deeper
it is a journey and it is difficult
it demands letting go of our eyes & ears
in order that we may access our soul
*
& so dear reader, as summer takes its last sweet deep breaths & bathes us in its clear light, if we can bow our heads to those precious moments of august ... & as we begin pulling back on the layers - the sweaters, the scarves, the jackets and hats, if we can not forget those deeper places - those moments of summer - & know they are still there for us to lean on when we need them
xo
cocoa
xo
cocoa
